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[personal profile] treyvana
*sigh*

Ok. So. Life.

Rob has been driving me bonkers, off and on. He didn't/couldn't find a job over the summer, or fall semester. He (in my opinion) wasn't ready to start school in the fall anyways, but he failed to actually talk to anyone about re-enrolling (even though Keith, his parents, his sister, and I all told him he was missing something). But, onwards.

He's in school again, starting last month. He has already missed a handful of days. A couple because he wasn't ACTUALLY signed up for some classes, a couple for panic attacks, and sleeping in/all nighters, and of course, skipping one class to finish homework for another class.

He also has yet to figure out what's going on with student loans- they haven't come in yet, and he won't bug either the school OR Sallie Mae about it- which is bugging me, because I'm pretty sure that SOMEWHERE along the line, the fact that his credit score sucks, and he's defaulted/deliquent with both his previous student loans, and credit card. And no matter how many times I've told him that that's BAD, and that ignoring it is BAD, he still hasn't done anything.

Before the semester started, I also talked to him about the problems- the wonky sleep 'schedule', the lack of discussion, the panic attacks/anxiety, the lack of ACTION. Basically, I told him he needed to find a new psych. Dr. That was a month ago...he has supposedly made a few phone calls, but hasn't found a doc or made an appointment.

He also was REALLY bad about chores for a long while- WEEKS to do anything he said he would, if they got done at all. A couple of mental breakdowns on my part seems to have gotten him to understand that it's not ok. So at least now, the chores are getting done.

What makes it all worse, is that I am REALLY reaching my breaking point- and I've told him that, several times. He just doesn't seem to really get it. Our friend K, whose wife has clinical depression, has been helping me out a lot. We don't know if Rob has depression, but he's certainly not healthy. So, K has been there to talk me through the bad times- saying it's not Rob's fault, and he's not doing it to hurt me, or just because he's lazy- but that he is mentally unwell. Part of me wants to be able to just get through this, and stay...but I can't deal with the status quo, and Rob isn't getting help. I can't force him, and I won't try.

Which, of course, leads to another stressor- Our lease is coming up at the end of March. Now, I love our complex- decent size, decent appliances, neighbors are ok, and the mainentence is AWESOME. Best apartment maintence I've ever had, which says something. But, since I'm getting more frustrated with Rob, and Rob doesn't have the money for rent, I am not sure we can sign another lease- which means we have to move. A TAW would increase the rent by $200/mo. A lease means we're locked for another year. Moving is a big pain in the ass.

I haven't decided what the course of action will be yet- I'm looking at a few apartments, and trying to talk our current landlords into working with us on it. I just don't know where it's gonna fall.

It also sucks, because I was hoping that I'd be able to spend my tax refund on paying off most of my credit cards, and getting some decent furniture for the kitchen and bedroom. But now it may go to the deposit/double rent, and moving. I'm not thrilled.

I've also kind of decided that I do need to go back to school- I need to plan for my own future, regardless of what else is going on. I need to have a plan, even if plans change.
So, I am planning on taking the GRE's this year, and maybe starting grad school in the Fall of 2011- this is an extrememly optomistic schedule. More likely is 2012. Which just scares me, because it will be 7 years after graduation, and I thought I'd be farther along by now- Married, house, grad degree under my belt- instead I feel like I'm still 2 years out of college, instead of 5.

I never thought I'd stay at this job as long as I have. Right now, it's ok- there are good and bad parts. But, I have a stable, secure job. It would take a lot to lose it, and that is worth something, especially now (both with the onoes-economy, and my home situation). I'm still not very happy, but at least I've got a paycheck.

And there is my life. Crazy and stressful. I am very glad for what I learned from my Mom- You don't give up, no matter what. If you stop trying, your failure is your own fault. If you try, at least you can say you did- and most of the time if you really try, you'll suceed. Nothing can really get you down, and keep you down, unless you let it. And, most importantly- If you think you can, or you think you can't- either way, you're probably right.

Date: 2010-02-22 08:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jrnlmnky.livejournal.com
If you stop trying, your failure is your own fault.
I guess I only caught the second half of that one. c(:

I have no advice to offer, but that all sucks. Having suffered from depression myself, I wish I could offer some help, but I'm sure "K" is in a much better position to help. The worst part of dealing with a depressed person is that you can't do it for them, and they can't do it for themselves. It's a very delicate balance to help them help themselves.

And I know what you mean about not being where you had planned on.

Also... Live Journal? The year 2000 called. c(:

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